Condescending casual sexism or gaming’s “Girlfriend Mode”

I find the term “casual sexism” to be a bit of an oxymoron.



There’s nothing casual about sexism.

It isn’t a lazy Sunday afternoon spent reading books or lying in a hammock somewhere with a fancy cocktail in one hand. It isn’t a Friday at work where you can wear blue jeans instead of blazers or a flowy dress instead of a tight pencil skirt.

Sexism is men cat-calling women on the way to work, following them down darkened alleys to scream obscenities at them to then get unreasonably angry when those women don’t respond favorably.

Sexism is women being beaten for the mistake of being born female, being paid less on the dollar, and being told they are somehow less than men.

Nothing about sexism is casual and yet casual sexism exists. And it’s more prevalent than you might think.

Sexism, as defined by Merriam-Webster, is the “prejudice or discrimination based on sex; especially discrimination against women” (emphasis theirs). As the definition implies, sexism is often intentional and based on perceived social roles and the violation of them.

What’s different about casual sexism is that it’s sexism that is so ingrained and common that we forget it’s even there.

It happens when women aren’t hired for jobs because their bosses are worried they’ll only work for a few years before popping out babies and draining the company’s paid leave reserves. It happens when men make jokes about hairy lesbians or bright young things that are too pretty to work or too gorgeous to have brains. It happens when women take leadership positions and the confidence they would have as a man is described as having a “bossy” or “bitchy” attitude.

It happens in a hundred different ways every day in our society, our media, our everyday lives and even our video games.


Alanna Vagianos at the Huffington Post compiled a list of #QuestionsForMen tweets that perfectly describe the hundreds of ways sexism is ingrained in our society.

Examples of casual sexism in video games are all too common. Most of them involve rewarding player characters with women (particularly prostitutes) in games like “God of War” and “Grand Theft Auto,” and violence against women (of which prostitutes are a significant number) in “Red Dead Redemption” and “Bioshock.”

[READ: Stuffed in refrigerators, or why gaming’s number one trope has got to go]

But casual sexism is more than just outright violence. It’s often as little as a thoughtless disregard for female players or their representation in video games of all genres.

Take for example the Gearbox hit “Borderlands 2.” Out of the two female characters, at least one was specifically designed with female players in mind, and not in a good way. Gearbox lead designer John Hemingway wanted to, “make, for the lack of a better term, the girlfriend skill tree.”

Thus the DLC mechromancer, Gaige, was born.

Although Gearbox quickly condemned Hemingway’s description of the character, the “Girlfriend Mode” skill tree, officially dubbed “Best Friends Forever,” still exists in all its condescending glory.


Called one of the cutest characters ever made by lead designer Hemingway and given a condescendingly named “Best Friends Forever” skill tree with gems like “Close Enough” that don’t require players to aim and a potential reference to women in the kitchen with “Cooking Up Trouble,” it’s easy to see casual sexism at work, once you start paying attention.

Hemingway presented Gaige’s “Girlfriend Mode” as a way to be more inclusive of non-player audiences, but he actually just alienated women, nearly 48 percent of the gaming population, according to the Pew Research Center.

Nuances of language and meaning aside, there’s a significant percent of the population that definitely did not take issue with Hemingway’s statement. And that’s what’s so scary about casual sexism.

Because it’s an attitude that is generally assumed and co-opted by men that refuses to allow any deviations or changes in belief. Pew did the math, and 60 percent of Americans agree with the statement “most people who play video games are men” with 31 percent disagreeing and another 9 percent unsure if it is true or not.

It’s something I assumed until I started really looking into the demographic breakdown of video game players when I started this blog. And if everyone holds this idea, nothing is going to change and casual sexism will continue to be a problem.

Because it is a problem. Whether you’re violently murdering a female character or “helping” gamer girlfriends play by condescendingly lowering skill requirements in a “Girlfriend Mode” created just for them, casual sexism in video games is a problem because it reflects casual sexism in society.

And if we change our attitude in our video games and other media outlets, then maybe we change our attitude in society as well.

So combat sexism, both casual and not, and let the power of Lara Croft be with you.



Stuffed in refrigerators, or why gaming’s number one trope has got to go

It’s a problem common enough to have a name, even if it’s one you’ve probably never heard before.

Even if you’ve never heard of the term “fridging” before, you probably know exactly what I’m talking about.

Picture this. The main character of your favorite book/movie/video game/what-have-you is a male with a female girlfriend/mom/sister/whatever. Everything seems normal, nothing is out of the ordinary and life continues on in its perfect comic book/movie/video game universe.

Then suddenly, the female friend-with-benefits/sister/girlfriend/mother/etc. is gruesomely slaughtered and left out for the male character to see. Often times, the character is stretched out in a dramatic pose across the bed she shared with her lover, or slumped over the kitchen table where she used to teach her son to make cookies, or dumped in a slummy location with a trail of clues leading the male character to her body where he’ll fall to his knees with grief and vow eternal vengeance on whoever and whatever caused the death of his sweetheart.

This is called fridging and it is one of the more disgusting examples of casual sexism, something that is sickeningly common in pop culture. With the stroke a pen, writers the genre over turn fleshed-out female characters into nothing but a clichéd plot device meant to further the main character’s man-pain.

The term comes from an old-school Green Lantern comic where the one of the lesser members of DC’s Justice League, Hal Jordan, comes home to find his girlfriend literally stuffed in a fridge by one of his enemies.

The term was coined by DC comic writer Gail Simone who read the comic and noticed that the fate of Green Lantern’s girlfriend was only the latest in a long line of dead women used as plot points to motivate male heroes. As a result, she started her own site, Women in Refrigerators, and compiled a list of all the females in comics who had been raped, killed, mistreated or abused in some way to advance the storyline of their male colleagues.

But this problem isn’t limited to comic book heroines with their big boobs and skin-tight costumes. Fridging happens in just about every setting you can imagine from comic books to video games to literary fiction to movies to TV shows and everything in between.

Setting aside the moral and societal implications of this practice of routinely normalizing violence against women, what’s so scary about fridging in video games and beyond is that it happens regularly enough that we often forget it’s there or don’t notice it at all.

And why would we?

We’ve been conditioned to accept women as both a brainless sex object and a simplistic plot device. Starting from games as banal and mindless as “Donkey Kong” and “Super Mario Bros.” women have been used as the carrot on the end of the stick to motivate the player along.

From there, the role of women has snowballed from kidnapping to murder to rape to purposeful, calculated annihilation to leave the male main character vulnerable or incite his vicious rage.

Part of this is the result of early advertising techniques used by game companies to try to entice male customers. But the fact that it has continued into this digital age and is a more ingrained plot device than ever is distinctly worrying.

The examples are nearly endless.

The pointless death of Talia al Ghul towards the end of “Batman: Arkham City.”


Dead. Source: 

Clara and Nicole described as cliché plot devices and living set-dressing  in a “Watch Dogs” review by Cameron Kunzelman of “Paste” magazine.


Also dead. Source:

Angel’s martyred death in Borderlands 2.


Very dead. Source: 

The before-game death of Kratos’ wife and child in the “God of War” series.


Do you see a pattern here? Source: Paste Magazine. 

Paz’s horrific death via implanted bomb in “Metal Gear Solid,” a death that occurs after the player character has already torn one bomb out of her in one of the most graphic scenes in gaming history.


And, what’s that? Oh yeah, she’s dead too. Source: 

The list goes on and on.

If you think I’m exaggerating or putting too much emphasis on something that isn’t really a big deal, put a man in the role of each of those women and see what happens.

In this context, fridging becomes less of a trope and more of a grisly, but necessary part of the literary life cycle – which it definitely isn’t. Tragedy often forces the hero’s hand, but does it have to be this tragedy? And does it have to happen all. The. Freaking. Time.

There are plenty of other micro tragedies that can inspire a superhero to take up the mask or force the protagonist on an epic quest to hunt down the villain. More than that, there are plenty of ways to motivate a character beyond watching their lover die or coming home from a long day of work to find their girlfriend stuffed in the fridge right next to the leftover takeout.

Most importantly, there are ways of motivating characters that don’t normalize violence against women. Because at the end of the day, that’s what fridging is doing. It’s establishing a routine or a cycle of violence that starts with the death/abuse/rape/etc. of a female character that, in turn, leads to male man-pain, which leads to a burning desire to fight crime/kill the beast or whatever mode of vengeance works the best, which can lead to even more violence against whatever woman in the hero’s life is the most vulnerable, and so on and so forth.

It’s a horrible, horrible cycle that needs to end not only for female pop culture consumers, but for the moral health of the writers and companies who are willing to perpetrate this cycle of violence and death.

Until that point, speak out and avoid refrigerators, my dear gamers, and let the power of Lara Croft be with you.

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Honest review: Funcom’s ‘The Park’

It’s hard for me to put into words how much I disliked Funcom’s “The Park.” The nature of the story material was incredibly disturbing, but, more importantly, the game’s depiction of mental illness and it’s horrific end were as troubling as they were hard to follow, much like the psychological horror and background narrative of the story.


“The Park” is not a title to take lightly. Although the game is short, the nature of this disturbing, atmospheric psychological horror left me with a lot more questions than answers and a sinking feeling in my gut that only worsened the more I thought about the game’s ending.

Fair warning, I’m not holding back with the spoilers so if you don’t want to know, I suggest you stop reading.

First off, the game’s story material is incredibly disturbing. The focus is on a young mother, Lorraine, and her romp through Atlantic Island Park as she tries to find her lost son Callum who ran back into the park. She calls out for her son in a genuinely sincere and worried voice and at times seems incredibly concerned about her son’s welfare.

This emotion is undercut by a short monologue later on in the game where she reveals her hatred for parents that gush over their children and describes the pleasure it would give her to abandon Callum. According to her, he owes her everything, and to abandon him would serve him right. And from the way she says it, the only thing holding her back is a desire to collect on his debt sooner rather than later.

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She’s clearly going through some stuff, but I still can’t reconcile the concerned mother at the center of this game with the one who hates her child. ~ Source: 

From then on it’s hard to reconcile that dark version of Lorraine with the one calling out for her son and asking a misshapen Nathaniel Winters, the founder of the park and literal Bogeyman of this story, where he is and what he’s done to Callum.

And the fact that the game ends with Lorraine supposedly killing her own son, is something I was not prepared for, nor something that fit with the main narrative: a scared mother looking for her lost son.

My second point of discontent with this game is the background story, one that I didn’t even become aware of until after I finished the game and did some online research to try to figure out what the hell I just played.

Apparently, “The Park” has strong ties to another Funcom title, “The Secret World” which is an online multiplayer set in the same creepy modern-fantasy universe Lorraine finds herself trapped in after she re-enters the park.

Like I said, I only figured this out after the game ended and I was left confused and disoriented as I tried to figure out what was independent of “The Secret World” and what was actually supposed to be connected to the earlier title.

Lastly, as a person who has suffered from mental illness, I found Funcom’s depiction of Lorraine’s depression to be the worst part of the game by far.

Lauren Orsini of “Forbes” magazine writes, “As a person who diagnosed with anxiety and depression, my life is very much like anyone else’s. I go to work, spend time with loved ones, and have hobbies I enjoy . . . The only difference is that I use cognitive behavioral therapy . . . and it has never given me a single hallucination.”

Playing through the game, I didn’t realize that Lorraine was suffering or had suffered from mental illness until close to the end. To be fair, there were hints: a disturbing flash back of Lorraine being shocked on a table in the bumper car pavilion with the accompanying achievement description reading “Learn about shock therapy” and a pill bottle in the Sideshow Alley that Lorraine says is hers.

There are some other telltale signs, but it’s not really until Lorraine enters the witch’s mouth and moves through the house of horrors that Funcom stops dropping hints and starts being almost glaringly obtuse with notes from the psychological service that diagnosed Lorraine with depression and gave her electroshock therapy and drugs as a paltry form of treatment.

From Lorraine’s clothes and car, we can assume that the time period might actually be one in which electroshock therapy was still in use, so the fact that they used it on her isn’t nearly as surprising as it could be. What is surprising is that Funcom treated her depression like psychosis and had her walk through a loop of her hallway and apartment where each time the scenery and notes within got more and more disturbing. It’s hard to parse out whether this was intended to be Lorraine’s mind on depression or whatever demented psychosis the park imposed on her already fragile psyche.

fuck this game part two.jpg

This isn’t the image of depression so much as it is a nightmarish hellscape masquerading as Hollywood mental illness ~ Source: 

And all this comes to a head when, under the influence of the Bogeyman, Lorraine kills her son and comes back to herself, talking to a detective that, as it turns out, is the same man that let her into the park to begin with before the whole cycle starts over again.

There are a myriad of theories out there and while I think Funcom did a good job of crafting a creepy atmospheric title with an ambiguous ending meant to tease and tantalize our minds, I wish it wasn’t Callum’s death we were trying to dissect.

If I had known “The Park” ended with the death of a child, I wouldn’t have played it. And I certainly wouldn’t have suffered through the confusing background story involving Chad the Chipmunk – the textbook definition of an unnecessary background bogeyman – Nathaniel Winters – the main, but no less confusing villain of this story – and his damn park – which apparently existed for the sole purpose of harvesting energy and making Winters immortal (still not sure about that part).

For my part, I interpreted the ending like this: Callum was the boy found dismembered and discarded behind the cotton candy stand. As a result, Lorraine fell back into depression and is having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that her son is dead. Therefore, she continually returns to the park in her nightmares and imagination where she ends up killing him more because she feels intensely guilty and less because she actually killed him.

But that’s just my interpretation. One that favors innuendo and metaphor over any literal interpretation of the story because I have a hard time reconciling my own emotions with the fact that I may or may have played a character that murdered her own child.

But you can come up with your own interpretation. All my grievances aside, the graphics are decent and Funcom does a good job of making the game hellishly creepy with whispered words coming from the parks’ speakers and discordant music underlying Lorraine’s voice as she calls out for her son in an increasingly distressed tone.

I wouldn’t recommend it, but if you still want to play “The Park,” at least now you’ll have a better understanding of what exactly you’re signing yourself up for, something I wish I’d had going in.

Either way, game on, thrill-seekers and horror fans, and let the power of Lara Croft be with you.



Why we need gaming tutorials

However boring and asinine some game tutorials may be, it’s in crazy times like the ones we live in that make me wish life had a tutorial section (if only so I could know what exactly I’m supposed to be doing and how in the hell I should go about getting there).


The early minutes of gameplay are sometimes the most excruciating for veteran gamers, especially in those gems that have been played and replayed a hundred times or more.

For me, that’s the 2013 “Tomb Raider” and it’s 2015 sequel. Ubisoft’s “Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag” is also high on my replay list along with Bethesda’s open-world RPGs “Skyrim,” “Fallout: New Vegas” and the most recent installment, “Fallout 4.”

Each time I start up one of the aforementioned games, I have to resign myself to the fact that there are certain areas I can’t explore, certain collectibles I can’t yet obtain and certain combat moves or actions I can’t perform because of my current level. And that can be irritating, especially when you know what lies behind that level 50 locked door and are just itching to grab that loot, even when you’re only a level 20.

But tutorials are some of the most important part of video games and must be included in order for games to reach larger potential audiences and to give you a clue as to just what in the hell you’re supposed to be doing.

This isn’t a matter that’s up for debate or one that’s particularly controversial, I just think it’s something important to be aware of at a time when the video game market is being flooded with remastered and remixed versions of past games.

But regardless of whether the game you’re playing is brand-new or a remastered classic, it will include some type of tutorial feature to either introduce you to the world of the new game or welcome you back.

Not all tutorials are created equal, however.

One of my “replayable” favorites, “Fallout: New Vegas” has a long concentrated tutorial that begins from the moment you leave Doc Mitchell’s house until you decide you’ve had enough of Sunny Smiles and her teachings of helpful wasteland survival skills.

heya sunny.jpg

While irritating at times, Smiles was relatively helpful in introducing me to the features of “New Vegas” that were different from it’s predecessor, “Fallout 3.” ~ Source: 

Other games like “Tomb Raider” and various “Assassin’s Creed” titles have a brief tutorial period but with various weapons and skills that are unlocked after enough gameplay. In a way, this extends the tutorial throughout the game, although many gamers would say that it is no longer a gaming “tutorial.”

stacked rope hook blade.jpg

Both the hook blade and the rope arrow are examples of unlockable weapons that, while they aren’t included in the game tutorial, can count as tutorial content. ~ Source: and

Even with tutorials a lot of game mechanics can be difficult to understand like in the case of the 2013 Capcom release, “Remember Me.” Their Pressen and Combo Lab DLC feature was hard for me to grasp no matter how many times I played through and read over the tutorial section.

what the ever living fuck.png

In the end, I had to resign myself to playing through the game wildly smashing buttons rather than creating and executing the various combos the game wanted me to. ~ Source: 

So do I wish there was a way to skip through a game tutorial? Sometimes, yeah. But tutorials are part of what makes gaming so appealing to me. Because while some games allow differing dialogue options, quest goals and available paths, video games provide us with a clear start and stopping point, quest markers and even some bonus content along the way to make the journey to the goal arguably more enjoyable than the destination itself.

Now if only our regular lives could reflect the careful organization and coordination of our video games and their tutorials.

Until then, game on and let the power of Lara Croft be with you.

this might be better.jpg


Apples and oranges of the gaming world

As an aspiring video game designer, I often wonder which is a better platform for gaming: consoles or PCs. But I’m not so sure there’s a definitive answer, much less one that either side will like.


Asking which is better, console or PC, is like comparing apples and oranges.

While this clichéd simile makes the writer inside of me die a little – and the spiteful bitch want to eat both and compare them anyway – it’s ultimately true because when it comes down to it, gaming consoles and PCs are just too different to effectively compare.

Now, hold on, you may be saying. They are both gaming platforms that we expect to keep us entertained and entranced in the world of our video games. To which I would say, congratulations, Captain Obvious.

But the similarities between the two pretty much end there.

Oftentimes with PCs, there is more customization and optimization, most of which is directed according to the gamer’s wants and needs. While the same can be said of an Xbox, the optimization is oftentimes limited to the color of the background screen and whether or not you want your login to open on start up.

But on PCs with the right specs nearly everything is customizable from the desktop screen, to the fan speed, to the light color of the backlit keyboard.

Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I should say that the big gift on my Christmas list this year is a good gaming PC.

I’ve been a console girl my entire life, but in order to get the jobs I want I need some experience modding. Not only is customizable modding not possible on a console platform, it’s hard to keep track of and manage compatible mods once they’re downloaded.

It also feels a little hackneyed – at least for me – because I know that if I have a problem with a mod I can’t go in and do anything about it. I either disable it or keep playing despite my issues.

Developers and publishers like Bethesda and Frictional Games make it easy to mod by providing Creation Kits and workshop packages that allow gamers to get a look at the behind-the-scenes work of designing their respective titles.

But not everyone likes modding.

It can be too complicated and involved for casual gamers and just straight up confusing for newbies.

Consoles provide a relatively stable gaming platform that updates and installs with little to no user input. To people who just want to put in a game and start playing, this simple process is incredibly appealing.

It’s also fair to say that consoles get a lot of love and attention from game developers. There has been a shift in this attitude in recent years, but oftentimes the public focus is less on gaming PCs and more on the consoles and all the bells and whistles that come with them.

On a more personal level, people get turned off of PCs because of gamers’ attitudes. PC gamers often think of themselves as a sort of gaming “master race” that lord their achievements and technical know-how over the rest of us. But wanting games to work without the kind of technicality that often comes with PC games isn’t a crime and it certainly doesn’t make console gamers somehow lesser than their PC counterparts.


It’s hard to like PC gamers when they claim this kind of superiority over ~ Source:

Trying to find the ultimate answer to the question of PC or console, I stumbled across two articles that make good arguments for their respective platforms. But in the end, even they can’t come to an agreement.

Thorin Klosowski of concludes his article on why he’s a PC gamer by acknowledging the truth that PC and console gaming are two different beasts. Even Hayden Dingman of PCWorld recognizes the fact that PC gaming isn’t for everyone.

There are passionate fanatics for each platform but those fans are often two different types kinds of people.

So instead of fighting over which platform is better we should instead celebrate their differences and allow future gamers to choose depending on what they want out of their gaming experience without fear of being looked down upon or laughed at by others.

So no matter what platform you use, game on, and let the power of Lara Croft be with you.

cant we all just get along.png

Can’t we all just get along ~ Source:


Good story vs. good looks in game design

Star-crossed lovers have nothing on these two crucial elements of game design that can either make or break a title.


It’s hard to say what’s more important to gamers: good story or good design.

If you asked Telltale Games, they’d probably say good story.

If you asked Activision, one of the developers behind the “Call of Duty” franchise, they’d probably say good design – which is funny considering their aesthetics are a far cry from some of the more visually stunning games with no story that have come out recently (i.e. “No Man’s Sky”).

Oftentimes gamers have different opinions of what constitutes a good story versus what doesn’t. We also have different opinions on game design, i.e. what works and what definitely doesn’t.

Please note that when I say design, I’m talking more about aesthetics and appearance than mechanics and developer patterns. The term “design” can mean both, as some game mechanics and developer patterns can be incorporated as elements of aesthetic design like UI interfaces and tutorial dialogue boxes. But in this case I’m talking more about how the game looks than how it plays.

In an article from Game Developer magazine, Soren Johnson questioned whether or not games should even have stories. Reprinted on, Johnson examined the essential interactivity of games and whether or not set stories conflict with that basic element of game structure and composition.

While he did acknowledge the fact that many games often benefit from a story, he stressed the fact that oftentimes games are a chance for the audience to create their own story rather than submit to “a designer’s unpublished novel.”

As interesting and truthful as his perspective may be, I disagree with his notion that story in a video game is more of a crutch than an essential aspect of game design.

In order to engage an audience, to really invest the player in whatever game they’re playing, I would argue that games have to have a story. A game can go pretty far on good looks alone, but the content can be more important than the aesthetics depending on what kind of game you like to play.

Now, I’ve been playing games with a story my entire life. I started with “Assassin’s Creed” and “Skyrim” which both have a defined narrative. Obviously, the narrative is a little more flexible in “Skyrim” mostly depending on the dialogue options chosen by the player character and the different quests accepted or rejected, but both these games have relatively set stories.

Some games don’t have such a set story and don’t need one. If the game’s focus is more on the interactivity and/or non story-based content then a story may or may not be necessary to engage the audience and provide a fun gamer experience.

But a focus on creative storytelling is often one of the best investments a designer can make.

In case you haven’t noticed, I may or may not be a little biased towards video game storytelling. But good design is also a must for games today.

In this day and age with the increasingly fantastic and overblown production value of games released today, good design is almost a given, something that has to be included in order for games to sell.

Now, good game design is subjective and can include any number of styles and types, but a clear design, often implemented with specific stylistic intentions, must be built into a game for it to sell.

Video game purists may argue that some of the earliest and most popular game franchises like early RPG’s, Mario games, and “Tetris” were designed without a specific style or story and they did just fine.

But in order to be competitive in today’s market, video games must have good design with decent graphics and a style appropriate for the game content.

They must also have a good story – at least in this gamer’s opinion – so where does that leave us?

The whole point of this post was to try to determine which is more important, good design or good story. But I don’t think it’s possible to separate them. Objectively, they are both important and there are certainly arguments that can be made on either side, but the best games combine elements of both with a good balance of the two.

This recipe for success does not apply to all types of games and may not fit with what you like and don’t like in a video game, but this is my opinion and something I continually look for in all the games I play.

If there’s not enough story, I tend to get bored. And if the design looks bad, the game, for me, is often unplayable.

But like I said, this is often subjective and entirely dependent on the player, so if you value one element over another, let me know and I’ll try to keep an open mind when I buy and play future games.

So game on, and let the power of Lara Croft be with you.

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Gaming’s 10 commandments

I’m not proud of many things.

And my gamer garbage board on Pinterest is one such thing.

With close to 400 pins, this board is a veritable dumping ground for everything gaming I see on Pinterest whether it be fan art of Lara Croft cauterizing her own wound in the 2013 reboot or a map of underwater “Fallout 4” Easter eggs.

But a couple days ago I stumbled across one pin from that caught my eye.

“The 10 Commandments of RPGs” is a codex all classic gamers live by with several relatable nuggets like “Thou shalt save all your healing items for ‘later.’”

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And “Thou shalt get lost in a place where enemies are three times your level.”

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While I’m not sure whether this clever list is referring to old school RPGs a la “Bard’s Tale” or some of the more recent like “Fallout” and “Final Fantasy,” these commandments are still incredibly entertaining and applicable for nearly all types of games.

That being said, with my own (limited) gaming experience and my boundless enthusiasm, I decided to try my hand at creating my own gaming commandments, minus the cool stained-glass window art style of the 9gag graphic.

Thou shalt never take a companion out of the fear that they may die in battle.

skyrim dog.jpg


Thou shalt save all items and become a hoarder of weapons, quest items and miscellaneous crafting junk.

Thou shalt never pay for ammo when it can be found inside the mailbox of a boring suburban neighborhood.



Thou shalt spend three hours on one map after claiming to go to bed after “one more minute.”

Thou shalt forget to save until two seconds after you are killed.

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Thou shalt always use the dinky weapon picked up in the game’s tutorial to save the ammo of the mega super awesome weapon used only twice in every forty battle encounters.

Thou shalt avoid talking to NPC’s out of the fear that they may give you yet another side quest.

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Thou shalt always panic when the battle music begins playing and there is no enemy in sight.

Thou shalt spend thirty minutes crouching for no reason.

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And most importantly (and most truthfully) . . .

Thou shalt never complete the main quest.

If you have any of your own gaming commandments, send me an email or tweet @lydmcinnes and I’ll compile a list of all the ones I missed.

Until then, game on, oh devout ones, and let the power of Lara Croft be with you.