I’m not proud of many things.
And my gamer garbage board on Pinterest is one such thing.
With close to 400 pins, this board is a veritable dumping ground for everything gaming I see on Pinterest whether it be fan art of Lara Croft cauterizing her own wound in the 2013 reboot or a map of underwater “Fallout 4” Easter eggs.
But a couple days ago I stumbled across one pin from 9gag.com that caught my eye.
“The 10 Commandments of RPGs” is a codex all classic gamers live by with several relatable nuggets like “Thou shalt save all your healing items for ‘later.’”
And “Thou shalt get lost in a place where enemies are three times your level.”
While I’m not sure whether this clever list is referring to old school RPGs a la “Bard’s Tale” or some of the more recent like “Fallout” and “Final Fantasy,” these commandments are still incredibly entertaining and applicable for nearly all types of games.
That being said, with my own (limited) gaming experience and my boundless enthusiasm, I decided to try my hand at creating my own gaming commandments, minus the cool stained-glass window art style of the 9gag graphic.
Thou shalt never take a companion out of the fear that they may die in battle.
Thou shalt save all items and become a hoarder of weapons, quest items and miscellaneous crafting junk.
Thou shalt never pay for ammo when it can be found inside the mailbox of a boring suburban neighborhood.
Thou shalt spend three hours on one map after claiming to go to bed after “one more minute.”
Thou shalt forget to save until two seconds after you are killed.
Thou shalt always use the dinky weapon picked up in the game’s tutorial to save the ammo of the mega super awesome weapon used only twice in every forty battle encounters.
Thou shalt avoid talking to NPC’s out of the fear that they may give you yet another side quest.
Thou shalt always panic when the battle music begins playing and there is no enemy in sight.
Thou shalt spend thirty minutes crouching for no reason.
And most importantly (and most truthfully) . . .
Thou shalt never complete the main quest.
If you have any of your own gaming commandments, send me an email or tweet @lydmcinnes and I’ll compile a list of all the ones I missed.
Until then, game on, oh devout ones, and let the power of Lara Croft be with you.